Revising observations

Gaining distance and objectivity

Revising, of course, has been going on since you put your first sentence down on paper. You've changed ideas, thought through your subject again, and reobserved your person, place, object, or event. After your rough draft is finished, your next step is tb revise, to resee the whole thing. But before you do, you need to let it sit at least twenty-four hours, to get away from it for a while, to gain some distance and perspective. Relax. Congratulate yourself.

About the time you try to relax, however, you may get a sudden temptation — even an overwhelming urge — to have someone else read it, immediately! Usually, it's better to resist that urge. Chances are, you will want to have someone else read it either because you're bubbling with enthusiasm and you want to share it or else because you're certain that it's all garbage and you want to hear the bad news right away. Most readers will not find it either as great as you hope it is or as awful as you fear it is. As a result, their offhand remarks may seem terribly insensitive or condescending. In a day or so, however, you'll be able to see your writing more objectively: Perhaps it's not great yet, but it's not hopeless, either. At that point, you're ready to get some feedback and start your revisions.

Rereading and responding to your readers

When you've been away from the draft for a while, you are better able to see the whole piece of writing. Start by rereading your own draft and making marginal notes. Don't be distracted by spelling errors or typos; concentrate on the quality of the details and the flow of the sentences. Focus on the overall effect you're creating, see if your organization still makes sense, and check to make sure that all the details support the dominant idea. If you have feedback from a workshop session, think about the comments and suggestions you've received. Depending on the reactions of your readers, you may need to change the point of view, add a few specific examples or some comparisons or images, fix the organization of a paragraph, reorder some details, delete some sentences, or do several of the above. Be prepared, however, to rewrite several paragraphs to help your readers really see what you are describing.

Guidelines for revision

As you revise your essay, keep the following tips in mind:

• Reexamine your purpose and audience. Are you doing what you intended? If your purpose or audience has changed, what other changes do you need to make as you revise your draft?
• Pay attention to the advice your readers give you, but don't necessarily make all the changes they suggest. Ask them why something should be changed. Ask them specifically where something should be changed.
• Consider your point of view. Would changing to another point of view clarify what you are describing?
• Consider your vantage point. Do you have a bird's-eye view, or are you observing from a low angle? Do you zoom in for a close-up of a person or object? Would a different vantage point fit your purpose and audience?
• Check to make sure you are using sensory details where appropriate. Remember, you must show your reader the details you observe. If necessary, reobserve your subject.
• Do all your details and examples support the dominant idea? Reread your draft and omit any irrelevant details.
• What is not present in your subject that might be important to mention?
• What changes occur in the form or function of your subject? Where can you describe those changes more vividly?
• Make comparisons if they will help you or your reader understand your subject better. Similes, metaphors, or analogies may describe your subject more vividly.
• Does what you are observing belong to a class of similar objects? Would classification organize your writing?
• Be sure to cue, or signal, your reader with appropriate transition words. Transitions will improve the coherence or flow of your writing.
  
  • Spatial order: on the left, on the right, next, above, below, higher, lower, farther, next, beyond.
  • Chronological order: before, earlier, after, afterward, thereafter, then, from then on, the next day, shortly, by that time, immediately, slowly, while, meanwhile, until, now, soon, within an hour, first, later, finally, at last.
  • Comparison/contrast: on one hand, on the other hand, also, similarly, in addition, likewise, however, but, yet, still, although, even so, nonetheless, in contrast.
• Revise sentences for clarity, conciseness, emphasis, and variety.
• When you have revised your essay, edit your writing for correct spelling and appropriate word choice, punctuation, usage, and grammar.