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South Asian Indian Families in America sample essay
Asian Indian community in the United States is one of the most numerous. According to the data of 2000 Census, there are currently 1.7 million people of Indian origin in the US (Rediff US Special). This number includes all those who identify themselves as Indian American or Asian Indian irrespective of what immigration generation they belong to. My focus in this paper is family life of Asian Indians in America. Family roles and structure, attitude towards family in society are different in America and in India. Thus, it is interesting to investigate how new environment changes or challenges Indian families in America and whether Indians manage to maintain their culture and previous customs through time and generations.
Most of my statements will concern those Asian Indian families in the U.S., where parents are first-generation immigrants of post-1965 professionals’ wave, and their children are second-generation immigrants. I will use both material from second-hand sources and comments from the people I interviewed myself.
Massive immigration of Indians to the United States started after the 1965 Emigration Act, when national quotas were canceled. Since it was only forty years ago, we face the situation when majority of Indians living in the United States are either first- or second-generation immigrants. Thus, their cultural trends are still strong in their families and assimilation into American society and preserving national traditions still form an issue.
An interesting and important point for further consideration is the fact that level of education of these immigrants is quite high, they came with good level of English and majority of them were professionals (Gibson, 6), so they were socially similar to average Americans, however their cultures were different.
However, along side with interaction with dominating groups, immigrants of Indian origin, similarly to many other minority groups, tried to gather their diaspora communities where they could interact with people of the same culture. Such communication helps newcomers to adjust on the new place and help those living in the U.S. for a while to maintain national culture.
According to the study reflected by Mechthild Gawlick in his article, second-generation Asian Indian children develop deeper friendship with other Indians because they understand each other better. Respondents often said that a more intimate friendship and understanding develops because other Indian teens are “going through the same struggle” (Gawlick).
Currently Asian American youth in the U.S. is so numerous that there is already a need for an MTV channel, which would specifically address this audience called desis – children of Indian immigrants that were born or brought up in the U.S. (Sontag). Yes, right now the situation is that Asian Indian population in the U.S. has split in generations: First-generation immigrants of course preserve more of their home-country flavor and traditions, while their children born in the U.S. share only a certain part of their parents’ culture and are more assimilated into American culture. This fact obviously often causes conflicts within families.
Another issue of parents-children relationships in Asian Indian families in the U.S. is that Indian attitude towards sexual education of children and teenagers is very different from the one practiced in the U.S. American children learn about safe sex in school and parents often talk with children about sexual health.
This is not customary in India. Neither parents, nor schools or state organizations talk with children about sex. It is a common belief there that HIV/AIDS is the problem of gays and drug-users only. Since they are sure their children do not use drugs, and do not have sex before marriage, they do not think it is necessary to talk about sexual transmitted diseases with them. Moreover, drugs, AIDS, and homosexuality are considered dirty subjects, so no one wants to raise those topics (Viswanathan). It is believed that children can be protected from sexually transmitted diseases if they are taught family values and ethics. For many parents it may even be a religious matter to not let their children hear about sex. Thus, some parents protest against their children being taught sexual health subject in the U.S. schools.
This is one of the issues that shocks new immigrants, especially those who are older and conservative. Level of conservatism depends also on what area of India immigrants are coming from and how large was their city. However, even educated and young Asian Indians that have been born and raised in America maintain understanding towards taboos in Indiaand believe that it is normal for that culture (Viswanathan). Unlike American parents Indians prefer to avoid the topic. This comes both from older taboos and from position of the government; they believe that if they do not talk about bad things, children will not think about bad things.
As we see already Indian families are rather different from American ones. Moreover, the fact that children of the first-generation immigrants are more Americanized increases the risk of intergenerational conflict within families. Asian society is very family-oriented, where family is considered first priority. This maintains the same at least for first generation of immigrants after they come to the United States. Here their family acquires even greater importance, because family, apart from diaspora community, includes the only people who have the same habits, likes and dislikes, speak the same language, etc. (Bhattacharya).
Speaking about family, I should say that it is not only very important to Asian Indians - it is a part of their self concept. According to self perception in Indian culture, every individual has a certain role in family and in society. Personal self identity forms due to these roles; every individual is a part of greater social system, thus no one behaves in individuated way. This again is rather different from typical American self concept. Americans are mainly very independent in nature, and act individualistic even among family and friends. Euro-American culture encourages individual-centrism, which is perceived as a normal part of personal development (Bhattacharya).
Obviously, these cultural differences made adjustment of Indian immigrants on the new place difficult. Coming from society that emphasizes deindividuation, places family and kin responsibilities on the first place, obeys family and social hierarchy, they experienced a lot of stress trying to understand and adapt in this new world. Situation in many families becomes only worse as the time passes, because children learn local principles, which leads to mutual misunderstanding between generations. Unfortunately, such situation leads to conflicts, alcohol and drug use among Asian Indian teenagers (Bhattacharya).
When such situation occurs, it becomes a real disaster for parents. Relationships between parents and children in India are strictly vertical. Children are obedient to parents and must maintain family traditions and accomplish their obligations. Fear of bringing shame on the family is still very powerful in India. There is always certain hierarchy, which is present both in smaller family circle and goes further to extended relatives. Elder individuals always have greater respect and authority. Decisions important for the family are usually discussed with the elder family members (Bhattacharya).
So when Indian families move from such culture to the U.S. at first they preserve their strict hierarchy and style of life, however, every new generation raised under American influence develops different attitudes and gradually shifts closer to American style of life. However, it is very rare for Asian-Indian families to totally assimilate into American society. No matter how much time passes they still preserve their original flavor in terms of music and cuisine preferences, certain values, possibly religion, language, certain worldview, etc.
When we make such a general analysis, the shift appears to be smooth, however, in reality the hardest transition of adaptation on the new place is experienced by first two generations. Conflicts among the two are very frequent. Let us not forget that the most common Asian Indian family currently in the U.S. is a family of first- and second-generation immigrants. First hold back to their national traditions, while the young generation questions these traditions, because the society they live in encourages different behavior, different self perception, another perception of family roles, etc.
Another traditional thing in Indian families, which gets challenged in the U.S., is choosing careers for children. One of the main reasons many families immigrated to America was a better future for their children. Thus, as soon as they get here, they do everything possible to give their children education and also put incredible pressure on their children, who need to do great in the careers that their parents chose for them (medicine, law, education). Parents act out of the best intentions, however, it often causes frustration of children, who feel obliged and pushed towards something they might not even want (Bhattacharya).
Another thing that is different in Indian and American cultures, and which changes in the U.S. Asian Indian families over generations and causes some conflicts, is gender roles issue. In Indian families females are subordinate to males, just as youngsters are subordinate to adults. Women in Asian-Indian families are not making decisions and are expected to obey their male family members (Bhattacharya).
When Indian families come to America, women see that here females are encouraged to defend their own point of view, pursue career that they choose themselves, work and be equal to men in all aspects. It depends on each family relations, age and character of a woman, whether they considerably change after adjustment in the U.S. However, neglect of subordination is quite frequent among younger Indians who were raised mainly in America. Again, this is another issue contributing to the intergenerational and this time also between-gender relations.
While it is a normal this to choose a spouse for your child in India, especially in rural areas, this is of course a rare case in the U.S. Desis often rebel against their parents who prohibit dating with peers from other ethnic groups or attempt to choose them a future husband or a wife here in America (Bhattacharya).
In order to find a more personal feedback from members of Asian Indian families in the U.S., I interviewed two Asian Indians that I am acquainted with. One of them Kishor, is a student of 22 years old who lives a few houses from me and the other one is Ritu, a young lady of 25 years old, who works in a store nearby.
Ritu came to America with her parents when she was 6, whereas Kishor was born in America. However, both of my respondents said that childhood and teen years were tough for them. Kishor said that when he was going to school he tried to avoid everything Indian, because that was not popular and he did not want to be different, he wanted to be like his friends, doing what was supposed to be cool (Bhagwat). Ritu’s story was similar. She said that when she only came to America and went to school her classmates were making fun of her because of her clothes and manner to talk. At first she had friends only among other Indian kids. Those were mainly children of her parents’ friends. Ritu said it was hard to feel being different, thus she tried to become like her other peers at school and later on she had friends also among her white peers (Ramesh).
Ritu’s parents were raising her quite strictly and insisted that she would go to a college in order to become a teacher. She did not like that choice and thus did not work more than 1 year in a school. Now she is working a groceries store and thinking about doing part-time studying and working in finances (Ramesh).
Kishor was luckier in this aspect and chose his major by his own. He said that his parents encouraged him to find a part-time job and thus partially finance his studies. Now he is working as a waiter and is a full-time student. Since he left high-school, he started appreciating parent’s culture more and feels ashamed that used to avoid it (Bhagwat).
Speaking of interethnic communication of Indian immigrants, it is important to point out that India is a more ethnically homogeneous country. Of course, there are also different geographically-based ethnic sub-groups; however, race is not such a hot issue as it is in the United States. In India an individual status is dependant more on religion, financial welfare and caste, thus immigrants at first may not even understand if they are being somehow involved in American-style racism (Joshi, 4).
It becomes obvious only after certain time of adjustment in the U.S. that here everybody needs to fit into some race. The more American society tries to neglect its race-issue centrism, the more it talks about it - the more people get obsessed with it. Coming to the United States immigrants are so many times asked where they have come from, so many times they need to fill out different blanks asking about race and they are so many times being warned about racial discrimination, that it does not let them forget that they are Indians. Even if no discrimination happens, all people are very much aware about races and ethnicity. Ethnicity and original culture is a big deal in America. While first-generation immigrants pay less attention to race issue, next generations raised in America grow up being aware that being American means taking its “place on the ‘racial map’ of our nation” (Joshi, 4). This leads to an unfortunate conclusion that America makes people race and ethnicity centered, where people become more obsessed with and defensive of their cultural traditions, including religion, than they would back at home.
Religion is obviously also an important issue of Asian Indian families adjustment in the United States. Although America guarantees freedom of faith, it still stays predominantly Christian country. My argument is: we do not celebrate holidays of other religions on national level, and there are no such sales due to Hanukah, let’s say, as there is on Christmas time.
Thus, people who come from a country where everybody obeys the same religious traditions and customs, share the same values, do same meditative prayer, feel somehow awkward when they happen to be the only ones on their new job who needs to go and pray now. National attention is always on Christmas and Easter, and nobody really pays that much attention to Hindu holidays. Moreover, Hindu religious holidays are tracked on lunar calendar, so they rarely fall on weekends. While some managers and teachers are more tolerant and understanding, others do not allow free holidays due to religious reasons (Khyati, 4). Most Americans are not well acquainted with Hinduism, and those who have little understanding of ethics, which happens often among children, may be picking on weird traditional clothes, music and various symbols that are customary for Hinduism.
However, it would be unfair to point out only stressful and negative sides of adjustment on the new place. For some people America has granted a real relief, has become their land of freedom, where they are given support if they are different. America overall encourages being different. Thus, people who would be oppressed and shamed in India can freely talk here for example about their non-standard orientation. Article of Chhavi Dublish from BBC compares fate and attitude of state and society towards being gay in the U.S. and in India. Some Asian Americans who acknowledged between their relatives and friends that they are gay only in the U.S. say that it was easier for them to do in America. Dr. AdityaMoy Kar, 38, who is now an associate professor at the University of Georgia said that while he lived in India he was constantly struggling from internal struggle. He had nobody he could talk to about his feelings about being attracted to peers of the same sex (Dublish). As I have already mentioned, such issues as homosexuality are considered dirty in India and is not discussed with children. This does not prevent children from feeling that they are different and they are left with their problem alone and have to live to the end of their days holding their real wishes back. Those who decide to fight for their rights are threatened by law and can be arrested for “unnatural sexual acts” (Dublish).
Another Asian Indian living now in the U.S., Parmesh Shahani, 27, shared that his family was very supportive when he told them about his orientation (Dublish). This would be much harder to do back in India, because even wishing their child good his family would be forced to disapprove him because of social pressure. Actually, the same wish of good for their child would push them into fighting against their child’s nature simply because his being different and “dirty” would ruin his life and good name of their family. Thus, from this perspective, we see that an open-minded society makes life of many immigrants easier and actually helps to avoid some of the family conflicts that would be inevitable in India.
Even though Americans like asking about different cultures, they know little about true Indian culture and develop certain stereotypes based on their own perceptions. Even though India has an enormous number of movies, non of them are known to American audience, because it is really hard to get original Indian movies in the U.S. At the same time everybody watched The Simpsons and thus surely knows Apu, who became an animated stereotype of an Asian Indian in America (Joshi, 1).
There is indeed a certain stereotype attached to Indians in America. Asian Indians rarely appear on television, and their true life in America and back at home is rarely reflected for wide audience. The only widely-known Indian character on American television is Apu from Simpsons, which created the stereotype of an Indian shopkeeper. One boy, whose example is used by Khyati Y. Joshi, is regularly teased by his white classmates, who call him Apu or say that his dad talks like Apu, or that he works at the Kwik-E-Mart (Joshi, 3). The unfortunate part is that teacher in this case does not stop the teasing and finds it funny as well. Joshi says that for some reason there are no positive Indian characters on American television (3).
This is another reason, maybe subconscious one, why parents push their children to be the best in schools and do well in universities, why they choose the best careers for them. Medical profession is traditionally considered to be much respected in India, medical science and medicine production is very developed there. Interestingly enough, either due to carrying this professional preference along with them to the U.S. or due to strong medical heritage, however Indian immigrants in America formed the second largest medical association in the U.S. Unfortunately, this fact is rarely widely reflected in Mass Media and goes unnoticed (Joshi, 3). Fortunately, certain movement has been made in this aspect and true Asian Indian image will be more and more popularized through such media as MTV Desi, which I have already mentioned. Fortunately, Asian Indians are not only becoming more Americanized, but also manage to preserve their original flavor and spirit of their culture.
Thus, we see that adjustment of Asian Indians in the U.S. is often very stressful. Family is most important thing for Indians, and family is exactly the field where most stresses occur after immigration. Values, customs, attitudes and perceptions that are normal for dominant American groups is not natural for people that were raised in India. Life in such a different society surely causes stress, which becomes even worse when they see that their children tend to follow American lead instead of holding on to national customs. This intergenerational conflict is especially vivid for families that unite first- and second generation immigrants, which is currently the most common case.
Bibliography
1. Bhagwat, Kishor. Personal interview. 26 November 2005.2. Bhattacharya, Gauri. “Drug Use Among Asian-Indian Adolescents: Identifying Protective/Risk Factors.” Adolescence. Spring 1998. Available: http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2248/is_n129_v33/ai_20740167/pg_2 (29 November 2005).
3. Dublish, Chhavi. “South Asian Gays find US Voice.” BBC News. 12 April 2004. Available:
4. Gawlick, Mechthild. “Silicon Valley Connections: Asian Immigrants and Sojourners.” Adaptation Strategies of Second Generation Asian Indians. Available:
5. Gibson, Magaret A. Accommodation without Assimilation. Cornell University Press, Ithaca, 1988.
6. Joshi, Khyati Y. “South Asian Americans and Race Relations.” IPAC Media Resource Guide: 1-4. Available:
7. Ramesh, Ritu. Personal interview. 27 November 2005.
8. Rediff US Special. “Asian Indian Population Doubles in a Decade.” May 16, 2001. Available:
9. Sontag, Deborah. “I want my hyphenated-identity MTV.” The NewYork Times. 19 June, 2005. Available:
10. Viswanathan, Neeraja. “India’s Silence Fuels HIV’s Spread.” HIV Plus. April 2003. Available:
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